Billdo Haggus

The Story of a simple man, with a funny name, who found a stupid leg.

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Location: Prancing Pony, Middle Earth

I am simply a dimension-surfer,

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Home again, home again. How sweet is the feeling of returning to the one place you know you're always welcome. Excuse me, where are my manners. I'm Billdo Haggus, a hobbit of the shire of Gully Lane. Pleased to make your acquaintance. If you would, give me just a minute to cleanse myself of the filthyness of travel.

There, now that I've returned from my journeys and have settled down a bit it's time to cook up some second breakfast. While I do this why don't you sit a spell and listen to me harrowing tale of mischief and misadventure.

My story begins many months ago, long before the cold winds had ceased blowing off the mountains. An old friend from a distant kingdom was in for a visit, the great wizard (ok so not so great) Shamus the Green. He was in for his annual visit when I recieved a letter from my great-great uncle Doc Timon.

Now my uncle is the type who sits in his laboratory all day, thinking up crazy ideas and insisting on blowing up his workshop to make the ideas come to life. But not this time, oh no. In his letter i read about the plans for one of his craziest ideas yet. Can't remember it at the time though. Oh well, it'll come to me later.

Anyway, uncle had wrote to me asking for my assistance on this particular project. He wouldn't say exactly what he needed help doing, just that I was the only one who could give the necessary assistance. So urgently did he explain his need for my presence that I departed that evening for his abode deep in the elven woods. The great Shamus insisted on joining me, citing that a hobbit should not travel alone through such treacherous territory.

The first 2 days of our trip were rather boring and uneventful. The pony I rode easily traversed the well-maintained path through the rolling foothills, even though it was heavily laden with the necesary supplies to make my journey. Travelling by day, sleeping by night, stopping for 5 meals a day in between. This was the routine for 2 entire days. Ok so it seemed like an eternity to me, but I'm easily bored. The only salvation was the constant conversation between myself and Shamus.

By the evening of the second day we had reached the base of Mt. Olympiad, the peak of which is fabled to be home of many of those whom we worship. At the time I had no intentions of ever attempting to reach that peak or deal with those gods. If only I had known, I would have turned around right then and heading straight back to me shire. I think Shamus knew something as we began to skirt the edge of the great mountain, but he let out no hint of the forthcoming events.

Thanks to the presence of the bog, the only way to the other side of Mt. Olympiad is to climb part of the way up then carefully pick your way across the jagged outcroppins and clib back down the other side. So after a long and difficult climb up we began stepping precariously close to the certain death of a long, long fall. After only about an hour or two of carefully stepping across loose stones and clinging aroud steep dropoffs my stomach began telling me it was once again time to dine. So we found a nice sized cavern in the side of the mountain and decided to stop for the night.

Unfortunately my travels have made me quite weary, and I feel myself unable to continue on this day. But if you would like to return for dinner in a few days I should be most delighted to continue my story. And I've almost reached the part where the fun begins... See you then

Monday, May 29, 2006

Who, What, How, Why, Where I am.

My name is Billdo Haggus.

Laugh it up chuckles, its about fifteen million times better than your name.

Here's what happened.

I was walking around the shire, right? I came across a dead body, when I touched it, lots, and lots of gold dropped out, and so did this guys leg. Then he dissapeared. I took the leg, back to my house, and put it into a box, passed down from Haggus to Haggus.

Stupidly enough, I tossed in the current book I was writing.

"How to survive the first year of college."

Needless to say, there were two words. Video Games.

When I went to bed that night, I heard an odd, sound, and poof, in my box there was a portal looking thingy. I grabbed my dagger, and I put on my coat, and I dove in.

Needless to say, in very stupid show on Sci-fi, esque fashion, I am now traveling around with no secure destination, just trying to get my way home.

So no complaints. If one day I'm in space, and the next I'm in middle earth again, or maybe even I appear in your house, just grab the closest chair, and sit back and watch the show.

-Billdo "That was my story" Haggus